Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Jonathan Vaughters Caught 'Cross' Dressing!

Former professional cyclist and current manager of the TIAA-Cref Professional Cycling Team Jonathan Vaughters was spotted at the Boulder UCI Cyclocross race this previous Sunday. The one time US ranked #1 Denver native dusted off his chamois to compete in his first ever cyclocross race, lining up in the men's 3 division - a hotly contested field consisting of mostly 'Boulder Cat 3 Pros'. "Err, uhhh, it was hard, uhhh... so there you go..." said Vaughters, commonly referred to by the simple moniker JV.

Known as a stellar time trialist and climbing specialist, the usally svelte Vaughters appeared to have packed on some body mass to prepare for his first foray into the competitive world of Cat 3 cyclocross racing. "I've, err, uhh... been mixing, um.. (text, text, text, text) ... mixing whey protein shake with a fine '87 Chateau Neuf de Pape... um, err.. so there you go..." explained the now finely sculpted cyclist.

Some spectators were at first hesitant to believe that Jonathan would deign to lower himself to a Cat 3 race, but these doubts were quickly crushed at the startline where his trademark sideburns were clearly visible. Dr. Allen Lim, a colleauge of Vaughters and by all acounts an intelligent man, responded to these allegations. "Huh. Interesting. He has the sideburns and scientifically speaking those can't be faked. Huh. Interesting. Crazy."

"Contrary to, uh... umm... (text, text, text, text)... popular opinion, I've always been interested in Cyclocross," said Vuaghters. "Chris Boardman and I used to stay up late at night in our bunk beds and discuss the wind-drag coefficient of a 52 kilo cyclocross rider using a 102 in. gear while riding at 78.32% of his or her maximum lactate threshold while the sunlight strikes at a 58 degree angle if the wind was pushing him or her only on the frontal parietal lobe of the lower ibial protuberance instead of the occipital lobe. We were, umm... crazy kids, so... umm, err... there you go...".

Despite an impressive start, Vaughters faded in the third half of the race to finish a respectable 46th. Spectators claim to have spotted JV texting on his Blackberry during the course of the competition.

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